I always planned on my father being the best man at my wedding. He was my favorite person. He always kept me calm and made me laugh – because while I often found life overwhelming, he saw it as mostly a silly thing, with just a few bumps in the road.
When he was dying, my sister Caren and I helped each other survive – supporting one another with gallows humor (our specialty), tears and late-night trips to the local pub for martinis and nachos. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have her in my life. Since my father passed away (a shocking eight years ago), she has become my best friend in this “silly” world. I want Caren standing up there next to me on my wedding day. What would you call that? My best man-sister? That sounds odd. Well, whatever one calls it she is the perfect choice. She is supportive, hysterically honest and will probably say something inappropriate under her breath at supposedly sacred moments (“ten bucks says that lady with the uni-brow is going to hook up with Uncle Gene in the bathroom later).” What could be better than that?
So I have the “best whatever” question resolved and it was an easy choice. For the groomsmen, though, could I also cross the gender barrier? When I told Faye that I was considering including close female friends that also happen to be ex-girlfriends, she began to squirm. Before I could defend my idea, I realized how many exes of hers would also be eligible for “bridesmaid” if we made it a co-ed party. I think we’re going to be sticking with boys on one side, girls on the other.
One thing I’ve learned about friendship over the years is that different friends are more important to me at different times in my life. I love them all like crazy and that never changes, but how often I speak to or see them relies a whole lot on where I am living and what I am up to in my life. As a result, there are several people I adore whom I can’t include without making my wedding party the size of a major league baseball roster. I just hope there are no hurt feelings.
So, I’ve decided to ask four guys that have been my closest friend at different points in my life. They are a hilarious menagerie of colorful personalities and big hearts. The one thing they all have in common is that they make me feel good about myself, and I know they have my back. They will be the perfect people to keep me calm and make me laugh on that amazing day in July.
I am wondering what your thoughts are on these pesky questions…
1. What do you think about having exes in the wedding? Have any of you ever had a former lover or significant other stand up for you?
2. Should you tell important friends why you didn’t choose them to be in your wedding party?
3. Does anyone have a better title for Caren than “best man-sister”?
4. Do you foresee any problems with having more groomsmen than bridesmaids?
5. Is it lame to make a list of only four questions, and if so, would you add a fifth (meaningless) one?
(And thanks again for all of the Honeymoon advice. All of the places you suggested sound incredible (even Iceland). I think we are heading to Costa Rica. Any hotel suggestions?)
Til next week…
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