We needed our wedding’s colors. And don’t say “white” because I already tried that and it’s not fun to be looked at beneath the furrowed brows of the girl you love. No — Faye and I were in need of our wedding’s colors because, much like a street gang, colors are what helps define a wedding, keep it from getting jumped by other weddings, and be the connective tissue of the entire extravaganza: from the save-the-dates to the dinner plates.
Faye thought that if we started with a centerpiece, maybe it would help us to discover our colors – what we’re naturally drawn to. So we agreed to discuss centerpieces that Saturday morning.
To prepare, I looked up the definition of “centerpiece” in my online dictionary, and I found the following.
1. An object placed in the middle of something as decoration or to attract attention.
Terrific, I thought to myself. I can handle that. I mean that can be a lot of things. Why even some of my groomsmen would fit the bill! I figured Faye and I would look online at some pictures – or even (call me crazy) go to a flower shop, peek at a few of their arrangements, nod in agreement at the “pretty ones” and go grab a latte.
But when Faye walked casually into our living room that fine Saturday morning with a giant binder in her hand overflowing with magazine cutouts – and said:
“Here are some centerpiece ideas I thought we could start with.”
I knew that I had made a serious error in judgment.
You see, fearless reader, I neglected to look at definition number two.
2. The most important part or feature.
What I have only begun to understand about planning a wedding is that at any given time, EVERYTHING is the “most important part or feature.”
In no particular order, off the top of my head, Faye also had binders for:
Locations, flowers (ceremony), flowers (reception), lighting, caterers, music, wedding party gifts, wedding dress, wedding jewelry, wedding shoes, groom wear, signature drinks, officiant, budget, photographer, videographer, ceremony rites, wedding cake/other dessert, registry, website, Save the Dates, invitations, local activities for guests, accommodations for guests, honeymoon, hair, wedding license, rehearsal dinner, seating plan, advice on how to make lists.
It was becoming clear that I would be called upon to make decisions on almost a daily basis. And this made me kind of cranky. All I wanted to do was get married in front of my friends and family and party with them. Why did it all have to be so difficult???
Faye: Why are you acting cranky?
Me: All I wanna do is get married and party with my friends.
Faye: Understandable. Let me ask you, do you want a place for your friends to party?
I nodded. Faye took out the locations binder.
Faye: And do you want to feed them something other than pizza?
I considered pizza, I did. But then I confessed that I mainly pictured a choice between fish and chicken.
Out came the caterer binder.
Faye: Do you want your friends to know where and when the wedding is?
Plop. Invitations binder.
You can see where this is going.
If you want the wedding, unless you happen to have a chia-wedding in your pocket that all you have to do is water, you are going to have to do some work. Make some decisions.
I am beyond lucky to have a girl that actually has these binders, ready to give me options. Otherwise my invitations might look something like this.
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